Collided Angels
by FallAngel
Summary: Luke and Noah meet eatch other in rehab...
1. Breaking Point

**Title:** Collided Angels  
**Summery:** Luke and Noah meets in rehab...  
**Chapter 1 :** Breaking Point -  
**Author:** FallenAngel  
**Rating: **PG  
**Warnings:** AU, English is not my native language so there might me spelling and gramma mistakes!  
**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of Fallen Angel.., No copyright infringement is intended.  
**Author's note:** Okay... So I was really bored today.. and even though I only had one hand to write with I came up with this story.. I am really depressed now and I think this story reflects that, **not that I use drugs, or alcohol of any other kind of stuff**.... This is another Au story... Hope you like it...

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Noah was alone. Noah was always alone, even when others surrounded him, he was still very alone. However, tonight, he was, physically, the only one in the small apartment that he rented with his dad and...John...or was it Joe?-It didn't matter. He would be gone in a few days, maybe a week, and then he would have a new sleazy ass to contend with.

He wanted a friend, anyone who could understand him. From his black hair to his black fingernails, he was misunderstood. He was an outcast. No one on this earth knew him, so how could anyone possibly love him?

They probably didn't even want to know him; he wouldn't even be anyone to them anymore. Along time ago, he was a solider just like his dad but the war came. After that Noah Mayer was never the same, he had seen hell, the devil starting him right in the face, laughing. When he came home, everything change, he change into someone else.

He could not divulge his life to anyone because Noah could not trust anyone, he had tried and every time he let someone into his heart, the stabbed him.

He knew he needed help, that how he was living now wasn't good at all. Maybe that was the worst part of all of this; Knowing he was going screwed up, again. If he didn't know, maybe it wouldn't hurt so much. He wished he didn't know, but the fact was, that he did know, and that terrible reality made him even sad, that he didn't change.

But, if Noah didn't know, then he would be like all of the others… He would be like all of the other cutters, druggies, alcoholics and sluts stalking this bedeviled world. They all seemed to be as happy as Noah knew to be possible. However, to the ones around him, he probably looked relatively happy too. He probably looked like he has learned to accept his life...But, despite that facade, he hasn't and knows that he will never accept this hell presented in the form of a life.

Why was he the one to survive? Why was he the one with all the glory when all of his friends were burned and dead by know, for doing their job, for saving lives? How come he was the one that sleeping at night with nightmares haunting him, every night? What kind of life was that?

He looked around in his tiny kitchen, no alcohol tonight, every bottle was gone. Noah was too tired to try to go to the store to buy one and he was pretty sure that they had closed anyway. He had to use something else, to try to comfort his needs.

Noah gasped as he dug the knife into his arm just deep enough to sever the shell his world had callused. The blade dug just deep enough to feel the pain-to feel something, but not to make him bleed to death, even if the thought itself was very tempting at the moment.

He released a shuttering, almost elated breath, loving the moment before the numbness set in.  
Tears filled his eyes.-Eyes that have seen far too much. Noah sunk into his pillow and screamed.  
He felt nothing. No tears. No pain. No life. It was as it should be…

Angered, he whipped his body into a sitting position and clutched the knife tighter in his hand. Slicing it across his arm, he screamed because he couldn't feel it. He screamed so loud, that Noah's throat scratched and gave out, but he didn't feel it. His breaths were shallow and loud. The air hardly graced his fiery lungs.

Noah slammed the knife down and reached for the half-smoked, pack of cigarettes and a lighter on the table beside the bed that he was sitting on.

His shaking hand pulled out a smoke and as he perched it between his lips, he worked very intently on igniting the lighter. "Damn piece of shit!" He screamed, realizing that he needed something stronger than a Marlboro for this to work.

Noah spit out the cigarette and went digging in his drawer for the right craved drug. Picking up the floor of the drawer to reveal his harder, illegal stash, he snatched up the water pipe and the capsule of crack cocaine.

"Finally!" He hissed behind the pipe as he saw the lighter produce a glistening, yellow and red flame.

Even before the pipe was lit, Noah was inhaling the capsule that brought her saving grace. This was tangible heaven. The closest thing to heaven Noah knew he'd ever see. He felt the euphoria immediately.

The only time he could feel, was when he was high. He wanted to be able to feel like this all of the time. He needed to feel like this, so that's what he strived for every moment of his Hell, to forget the pain for a moment, to forget himself. Noah inhaled deeply, his mind rose higher. His mind rose above problems, above numbness, above life...

When Noah awoke, he wasn't alone. There was a man staring at him.

"Shit. What happened?" He demanded to know, when did he pass out?

"Good morning, Sunshine. Did you sleep well?" The stranger asked with a smile on his face.

"Who the hell are you?" Noah asked looked around in the room, he was still in his house, that was a good sign.

"Fine, thanks, how are you?" The man smiled again and came closer. He was in his late twenties and if Noah had his wits about him at all, he would have thought he was very hot, and angelic. Hi had a face of an angel. He was skinny with muscular arms, and blond, shaggy hair. He wore a hairless face and deep eyes that sort of reminded Noah of warm chocolate.

"Who are you? Did we do business last night, because, uh, I rarely do business in my apartment." Noah sat up, his head was pounding and the room was spinning. "Damn it." He said, holding his head.

As he did so, the man scoffed. "No!-And we're not about to!"

"Then, what are you doing here?" Noah demanded, again

"Uh, I was sent here." The man answered.

"What? By who? If you're looking for my dad, I don't have any idea where he is."

The man shook his head. "I'm not looking for your dad. You're Noah, right?"

Noah nodded.

"Hi. The name's Luke. I'm looking for you."

Noah nodded slowly. "Okay. Excuse me." He said and got up from the bed and went for his desk drawer.

"Can't. Flushed." The stranger answered.

Noah glowered up at him. "You flushed my shit?"

Luke shrugged. "They're not good for you."

"Like Hell!" He got up and moved toward the toilet.

"They're gone." Luke insisted.

Finding he was right, Noah spun back toward him. "You're going to pay for that!" He hissed. "Every fricken milligram!"

"I'm here to save you." The man said simply.

"I don't need to be saved, so, just get back on your white horse, and go find someone to annoy!

Luke sighed. "Right. Are you really happy?" He asked.

"Of course I am! I am my own person! I can do whatever I want, whenever I want!"

"Yeah. No one cares what time you're home, what you do for money, or what you ingest." Luke smirked. "Sounds like paradise." He nodded.

"Listen, I don't know who the hell you think you are, but you are going to get out of my room and out of my life right now!"

Luke shook his head. "I can't do that."

"Why not?" Noah asked, crossing his arms. This guy was seriously pissing him off, big time.

"Because I can help you." Luke said calmly.

"I don't want your help!"

"Yes you do." He answered simply. "Anyone who thinks crack or alcohol is stronger than themselves-better than themselves, wants help whether they admit it or not."

Noah breathed a deep sigh. "Fine. If you won't leave, I will." He turned toward the door.

"Noah, do you want to die like this? If you walk away from me, you're going to die. I am the only one keeping you from death right now."

"Screw you! Death doesn't scare me!" Noah laughed and turned toward him again. "Death is probably better than my life."

"Your life now, maybe, but the life toy can lead?"He looked at Noah meaningfully and shrugged slowly. "Do you really want to chance that?"

Noah's humorless laugh was reduced to a chuckle. "My life can't be helped. My life is always going to be my hell."

"Yeah. If you die now that is all your life is going to become."

Despite himself, Noah moved back toward him. "So what? You are going to help me?"

Luke nodded and held out his hand. "Yes, I'm going to help you."

"How? What? You got some miracle drug? Some it's A Wonderful Life 101 crap?"

Luke laughed. "No. Just come on!"

Noah liked his laugh. It gave him a feeling. It gave him a good feeling. He was happy. What else do you have to lose? Noah thought as he moved toward him.

"Where do you want to go?" Luke asked

"What?" Noah was puzzled by the question.

"Anywhere" Luke shrugged. "Where do you want to go?"

"Anywhere?"

"Yeah."

"How?"

Luke sighed. "You're hanging between life and death right now, do you really think we have any bounds?"

"Okay." Noah said. "Could we go to...Paris? I love Paris and I've always wanted to go to the Louvre" Noah half expected Luke to say that there was no way in hell, or heaven, or wherever he was, just to prove him wrong, but to his sheer and utter surprise, Luke smiled at him.

"Perfect." He said. "Close your eyes."

A moment later, Noah heard his voice, soft and content, in his ear. "Okay. Open them."

Noah could not believe it. He was staring at Mona Lisa. His jaw dropped as he turned and found that he was indeed amongst guest of this historic museum. He turned to Luke. "Oh, my God! You did it! I'm in the Louvre! Oh, my God!" Noah felt excitement speed through his body. Excitement, he hadn't felt that in a long, long time. It was an emotion that didn't exist in his world anymore.

"So, you do believe in him." Luke passed under his breath.

However, Noah was not listening. "I can't believe this!" Tears came to his eyes: Tears of joy. He felt them! He felt a different sort of happiness at that moment. He felt true happiness! Beautiful  
happiness! "Thank you!" He exclaimed and embraced Luke.

"Ah! Oh...uh, you're welcome. Uh, Noah?" He chuckled. "People can see us and...You know that, right?"

"I don't care! Thank you! Noah looked up at him in amazement.

"Uh, sorry Noah. I..."

He released Luke and turned back to the art he loved; the art he had always wanted to see.

After his eyes hungrily observed every painting and sculpture left of exhibit from all of the greatest Roman, Greeks, Egyptian, Mesopotamian, Islamic, and of course, French artists, Noah and Luke decided to go eat in the glass pyramid. "Yea, this thing was built by an American, actually. I.M. Pei." Luke shrugged. "Umm! French cuisine! Lovely! Ever had it?"

"Does McDonald's count?"

"Oh, Mac-Dough?" He shook his head. "Not at all. I'm talking about real food."

"Oh. Okay."

Luke smirked and said, "Elle est belle musee, oui? Le Louve?"

Noah turned towards him. "I said I loved art, not that I knew a word of French."

"D'accord! D'accord! J'ai desolea., mas-ami. Uh...tu-as tres tres belle."

"I don't know what the hell you're saying, Luke!" He was amused, despite himself.

"I said, it's a beautiful museum, yes? The Louve?-Okay, okay. I'm sorry my friend.-Then...I said...Uh...I said that you are very...very...you know what, I'm hungry." He quickened his pace.

"I'm what? Painfully screwed up?" Noah teased, even though he knew that was the description for him.

Luke shook his head. "No. They don't have that expression."

"Okay, then, I'm painfully fu-"

"No!" He replied quickly. "In that language, that means seal."

"The animal?"

Luke nodded. "So, no. I didn't say you were all seal-ed up."

Despite himself, Noah laughed. Humor; something Noah had not had in a long, long time. It felt good.

At the restaurant, which was really a street corner café, the two of them ate crepes and drank what Noah could only describe as a bowl of milk with a little bit of really, really strong coffee.

"So, you said you love art. Do you create any yourself?" Luke asked taking a sip of his milk with a little bit of coffee.

Noah hesitated, but then nodded. "Yes, I do."

"Cool! What do you do?"

"I paint and I draw.-Sketch..."

"Can I see?"

"What?" Noah thought that he had heard wrong for a moment.

His rough tone caught Luke off guard. "I want to see what you do.-If you want to show me." He spoke cautiously.

Noah had never shown anyone his pieces. He was afraid of rejection. His art was the only thing he'd ever produced that meant anything. His art, just art in general was the only thing that made him feel special, unique. His art was his purity. His art and his feelings were the only things that only his mum saw. No one else had ever seen it. It was still pure. He feels through his pieces. He could't...

Noah looked up at Luke. Luke was staring at him with very welcoming, soft, almost loving eyes. He was looking at him with respect. He looked at him like he knew him.-Really and truly knew him. He for some reason wanted Luke to really and truly know him. Noah suddenly wanted Luke to love him.

"Okay..." Noah inhaled deeply and for once, was very thankful that there was not a puff of a drug was not following his inhale, ready to infest his lungs. "I guess."

Luke smiled at him. "Thank you." He was quiet for a moment, but then spoke with reservation.

"You know, I want to tell you something, Noah." He fidgeted in his seat.

"What is it, Luke?" Noah asked, inching across the table towards him.

He then got very nervous. "Uh...well, I know what you...I used to be...When you die..." He took a deep breath, let it out, and then stated very simply, "When you die, you don't feel anything, Noah."

Noah doubled back. "What? What do you mean? How do you know that?"

"Cause...I did-but I'm not now!" He passed quickly. He took another deep breath. "It was a drug overdose, but I was revived. I was saved… If you pull through, you will be great." He gave a boosting chortle. "You could be a great artist. I feel honored that you're letting me see your work."

Noah felt his cheeks get hot. Am I actually blushing? He thought, but let himself feel the blush. He felt the blush intently and he liked it. "Come on! Let's go! I want to show you my stuff."Luke put some European money on the table and then he told Noah to close his eyes.

******

"Okay. We're back." Luke said to Noah.

Noah opened his eyes and went for the mattress. He pulled apart the two sides of the slit in it and dug deep until he found his sketch pads. Luke sat on his bed next to him as he handed him his paintings and drawings, Noah's hands were shaking. As Luke took the pad with one hand, he covered Noah's lightly with the other.

Luke's hand felt warm and comforting. "Noah, if you don't want me to..."

"No!" He insisted. "I really do...want you to. I promise! Please!"

"You sure?" Luke asked

Noah smiled weakly, dropped his sketch pads into Luke's hand and turned his hand to hold Luke's, which strangely gave him the strength to say, "Yes. I'm sure."

Luke smiled softly back at him. "Thank you." He took back his hand and carefully turned the cover page of the pad on top.

Noah bit his lip and squeezed his eyes shut, so that he would not see his initial reaction.

"Oh, my God!" Luke gasped.

"Terrible?" Noah asked trembling.

"Terribly beautiful! Oh my God! This is...great!"Luke sounded sincere, like he really meant it.

Slowly Noah opened his eyes and looked down at the picture Luke was looking at.

Noah smiled.

"Was this here?"

"Yeah. Last year. Right out that window." Noah nodded toward the now boarded up window. He had to cover it after He got really violent while He was on one of his trips and broke it with his fist. It was a shame. The window was shattered and so the nice view he had gotten from it was no longer available. It was either the view or safety from the elements.

In that particular picture, the ground was covered with a coat of fresh snow. Real snow-not cocaine. The wind had swept the white beauty up against the fence, the neighbor's fence, and the old shed Noah's mum had put up before she was killed in a car accident. The shed was old and probably infested with everything under the sun now, but it was still beautiful to Noah. What he remembered of his Mum lives on in that old shed. Noah didn't see any mold, any decay, or any age in that old shed.

Sometimes, when he was smaller, especially right after his mum died, when he was seven, he would sleep out there and spend all night remembering him.

Noah would reminisce about how she would bring him in there, set him down on her workbench, and let him help her build things. The sights and the smells brought him back to a world he knew. A world that was shattered with one chime of a doorbell.  
In this particular picture, a blue-jay was perched on the fence and the light in the shed was on.  
When the light was on, his mum was working there.

Noah was high when he painted it, so there probably wasn't a blue-jay on the fence, and he knows the light hadn't been on. The power was cut from there years ago.  
He remembered painting this, but nothing else until the next morning when he woke up on the floor of that shed. Still, the paintings evoked feelings of a better life. All of his paintings did,

"It's beautiful!" Luke exclaimed. "I love it!"

Noah blushed again. "Thank you." It was now that he realized why he liked Luke.

"A young Da Vinci . I swear to God." As Luke poke, Noah's head snapped up.

"What?" he asked.

"I said, you're a young Da Vinci. This is really good!"

Noah chuckled nervously as tears started to drop.

"What's the matter?" Luke tilted his head, his voice tinted with worry. "Noah?"

"I love you." Noah said suddenly. He hadn't meant to, but when his jaw dropped, those were the words that fell out.

Without thinking, Noah reached out, threw his arms around Luke's neck, and pressed his lips up against Luke's.

Luke wrapped his arms around him and returned the kiss. Luke held him close and fell deeper into the kiss.

No drug could ever give him the euphoric feeling that raced through him veins at that moment.  
He had kissed a lot of people. Sometimes, he had kissed them tastefully, and sometimes he had kissed them raunchily to get a paycheck, but He had never got this feeling before. Every part of him was alive!-More alive than they had ever been! The calluses seemed to melt off him and his heart fluttered.

All Noah wanted to do was get closer to Luke. He wanted to be as close as he could possibly get. When they both fell back onto the bed and started to undress, he for once, wanted to do this. He needed to do this. He was not just going through the motions of having sex. He loved the feeling welling up inside him that just kept getting stronger, clearer, better, fresher, purer!

After they had made the best love she had ever thought, no, far better then he had ever thought it was possible to make, Noah lay in his arms, totally and utterly content.

"I love you, Noah." Luke whispered, pulling him closer.

Feeling his love ultimately, without anything but emotion, she replied, "I love you too, Luke!" He replied softly, meaning every word of it. Soon he was sleeping against Luke's chest, not feeling anything except pure happiness, something he hadn't felt in a long, long time.

*****

"You stupid bitch!" Noah heard his dad scream. "Why the hell would you do this to me? Your own father"

"Dad?" Noah said, trying to wake up all the way.

"Don't you Dad me you little drugged-up freak!"

Noah opened his eyes and saw his dad red-faced and glaring at him. "Dad, I'm sorry!"

"I have missed to dates and a meeting for you, you little..."

"Well, maybe if you missed a little more for him, he wouldn't be here." A voice came from behind Noah's dad.

Noah looked up with surprise while his dad spun around with fury.

"Oh, Doctor, you are going to protect this little whore?" His dad exclaimed, outraged.

"Dad"

"Mr. Mayer" Dr Bob hissed, narrowing his eyes. "I think you better leave this hospital room right now or I will personally make sure that you do"

Winston exited the room quickly, his footsteps echoing. "Now, Mr. Mayer" Dr Bob said and turned to Noah. "We almost lost you there for a moment, I hope that you realize what kind of situation you are in right now, and let me tell you it's not a good one"

Bud Noah didn't listen; he was still thinking about is dream, or was it a hallucination? Whatever it was, it felt so real and it wasn't until now he realized how much he wanted it. He had lived in his shell for so long, trying to hide and forget that in the end he had lost himself.

"Noah?"

Noah snapped about of his daydreaming and looked at the doctor. "I know what I need to do" He said, more to himself then to bob, but he knew. And perhaps his Luke was out there, somewhere, but what he did know was that he wanted to live again, feel, to being a living dead and know he had a plan…


	2. The Angel Reappears

**Title:** Collided Angels  
**Summery:** Luke and Noah meet in rehab...  
**Chapter 2:** The Angel reappears  
**Author:** Fallen Angel  
**Rating: **PG  
**Warnings:** AU, English is not my native language so there might be spelling and grammar mistakes!  
**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of Fallen Angel.., No copyright infringement is intended.  
**Author's note: I don't really know what to say... I hope that you like it... or maybe not but a little bit more of Noah's past are reviled...**

**I don't know if people read this story or not... I am going to write it anyway and if people comment, that would make me happy... but it is up to you...**

Chapter 2 – The Angel Reappears

Noah had found a "nice" rehab center that was located about 3 miles from Chicago. The brochure looked promising; it had a picture of an old house, almost like a castle and they specialized in drugs and alcohol, know he was on his way, trying to change the life he had let fallen apart.

Of course Noah had thought this though a lot, and at first he had tried to ignore is dream that he got when he was drugs, almost dying. He had tried to push it a side, convincing himself that he didn't need to change, he was happy as he was living right now, that there was no reason for him to change, but then the dreams came…

At first it was only about Luke, the same scenes over and over again, the same one that he got when he passed out, and he was fine having those dreams. Those he could live with, without changing his life. He could have a pure moment of bliss before facing reality and that felt good, so why change his life?

Then the dreams started to get worse, his worst nightmare over and over again. He started to dream about the time when he was out fighting in the war, when he saw his friends getting killed. One by one the slowly entered his dreams, a different person each day and no matter how much he drank, or how much drugs he took, it didn't help, at all. He was stuck with no way out… except rehab.

So here he was, sitting on a train, towards what would change his life, to make it a new, clean and fresh page.

Soon Noah was fast asleep and he found himself in a pleasant sleep, no nightmares and no Luke. Just a simple peace and quiet, like his whole body started to prepare for what was going to come.

*****

"Here we are Mr. Mayer" The driver said as they stopped outside the big mansion.

"Thank you" Noah murmured politely, but inside he was terrified. He didn't even know what he really was doing there, but this place felt like the right place.

He knew that after a few weeks all people inside that house would know every single damn thing there was too knew about Noah Mayer and that scared him. There was stuff that he simply didn't talk about, not to anyone. No matter how good friends they were, there was never anyone he had opened up to completely, with no obstacles in the way.

_Here we go, all or nothing this time…_

He got a look at the house again before out of the car, and he had to admit that it was a beautiful house; especially that it was an old and antique house.

He took his stuff out of the car and started to walk over the hard payment, his footsteps echoing out in the cold dark night. At least there was someone home since there was light shining out from the windows.

He knocked at the door three times, trying to calm himself down in the process and very soon he could hear footsteps coming closer.

Very soon the door opened and Noah had expected that the door would creak but it didn't. At the door stood a woman with a smile, she looked very sweet, innocent in a way. She had long brown hair with green eyes, and they were warm and welcoming ad Noah couldn't help to smile a little bit.

"Hi, you must be Noah" the woman said.

"Yes, that me"

"Come in, Come in" She said and almost dragged him inside, like she was afraid that he was going to run at the very first opportunity that came. "I'm Stacy by the way" she added

"Nice to meet you to" Noah answered, looking at his feet for a moment, feeling a little out of place.

"I'm going to show you to your room since it is late and I'm sure that you're exhausted so we will talk about detail in the morning, does that sound good? Stacy said in a soft voice.

Noah was in shock for a moment, this woman, this Stacy asked for his opinion? Never in his whole life had anyone asked what he thought. He was used to be ordered around it was Noah do this, do that. When you lived with the coronal your opinion didn't matter at all, and there was no different in the military, you either took did as order of you ordered someone else around. That was how it was, clean and simple.

Even when he was out with his friends which most of them was military guys also, no one ever asked him about his thoughts or a feeling so having this Stacy asking him was something completely new to Noah.

"Yeah, that sounds good" He manage to answer back.

"Follow me" Stacy said and started to walk away and Noah followed quietly.

She led him into something that looked like a living room; the furniture's here was old, like the rest of the house. "Wait here. I'll just have to check which room we are placing you in"

"Okay "He relied back and started to look around in the room. There were a set of couch and chairs in the middle of the room, in front of them where a large television. Something Noah didn't expect in this old mansion. There were a couple of tables place around the room but that was kind of it, even if the room was huge.

He saw two boys and a girl in about the same ages as himself sitting around a table, whispering and at the same time glancing at him. He saw another boy sitting by the window, with something that looked like a journal and the boy was writing, Noah could hear the pen as he boy wrote. There was something familiar about him and Noah felt himself draw to the person.

"Noah" Stacy interrupted and as fast as the spell had come, it went away and Noah found himself feeling very lost all of a sudden, but he had no idea why… "Okay… So I found who you're going to share room with and he is going to show you where it is"

"What, Wait, did you say share room? I thought that we were going to have an own room" He didn't want to share a room with anyone, he hadn't done that in a long time and to sleep in the same as a stranger wasn't going too happened.

"Yes you're right, but we had an accident a couple of days ago so the third floor has been sealed off for the moment and we don't have enough from for everyone to have their own at the moment so we decided that it was best if everyone shared with someone one. We don't want anyone getting any special treatment so this is for the best. It's only for a few weeks, and I don't think that it will be that bad Noah. You might even get a friend out of this"

"I doubt that" Noah said quietly but he couldn't leave.

Noah Mayer had never said no to a challenge before, and he was not going to start now because that he got scared. He was going to do this no matter what, even if he had to share room with some idiot.

"Luke" Stacy yelled loud and the boy who sat by the window looked up from his journal.

_What did she say? No… did she really say Luke? No that's impossible…_

The boy jumped down from the window and started walking toward them. If Noah was in shock before it was nothing compare what he was as the boy approached them. Noah couldn't help to gasp; it was all too bizarre because the boy that now stood in front of him was no less than the Luke that he had been dreaming about; the angel that saved his life. How was that possible?

"Luke, this is Noah. Noah – Luke" Stacy said. "He is going to be your new roommate" – As if things couldn't get any worse. He was charring room with Luke.

"Come on Noah" Luke said and his voice was the sound of an angel's voice. It sounded so sweet and caring at the same time but Noah had seen in Luke's eyes that he had no idea who he was and how could he? All right he had been dreaming about this guy for over a month but to actually meet him in real life, that was just so… crazy.

All right he had been dying but this… stuff like that didn't happened… in movies – yes but in reality – no they freaking did not happened.

"Noah" Luke said again and brought him back to reality.

_O god… this is really happening, isn't it? He is real, as real as a human comes and he is in the same rehab as I… _

****

Noah was lying in his bed, not able to sleep. Luke had shown in his room to three seconds later be gone again. Noah had unpacked him stuff and later trying to get some sleep but it didn't really work. He couldn't stop thinking about what had happened, Luke was a living person, but that didn't have to mean at he was guy or interested in him.

They were in a rehab for god's sake; people don't have time for love here. They are here to fix problems not to create new one, like falling in love with someone.

But Noah wanted that, he wanted Luke but at the same time he was scared. In the dream Luke had been fine, he wasn't messed up, he was a normal human being like everyone else with no worries. Why on earth would Luke want him? No one wanted him…

His thoughts were soon interrupted by the door and a second later Luke stepped in. He saw how Luke got this his bed but he still hadn't turned on the light or anything. It surprised Noah that Luke could even find anything.

"You know, you can turn the light on if you want to, I'm not asleep" Noah whispered, breaking the silence. He heard an O slipping out from Luke's mouth and soon the bed lap on the table was lighting up the room.

"I didn't mean to wake you" Luke said in an apologizing voice. "Sorry"

"You didn't wake me Luke so there is nothing to apologize for in the first place" Noah replied looking up at the sealing. He really didn't want to look at Luke if he could help himself.

"Right" Luke said as he claimed under the covers but he didn't turn of the light. Instead he took out another journal out if his night draw with a pen and started writing.

"I noticed that there was lying one in my draw to. Is there someone that forgot it here or?" Noah asked, trying to break ice.

"No, no one forgot it. Every patient get one when they arrives. We're meant to write in them everyday" Luke said as he continued to write.

"Like what?" Noah asked a little puzzled.

"I don't know. Anything I guess… It doesn't really matter what we write in them, no one is going to read them anyway but it's supposes to help us in our recovery. "

Noah looked at the journal in his hand. He was amazed how easy Luke could use words, when he himself always struggled what to say.

It couldn't hurt to write, could it? Maybe just one sentence like: I have arrived?

Noah opened the book at starred at the blank page in front of him trying to think out what to write but the word didn't seem to come at all.  
He glanced over to Luke's bed; he had turned off his lamp and was now sleeping.

_He looks like an angel, doesn't he?_

He kept glancing over at Luke, and then to the paper, and suddenly the word just flew out of him. Luke was the completely opposite unlike Noah's last real boyfriend John… Just thinking of him made Noah's blood to boil. It was John who had introduce Noah to drugs, to try to get more and more money out of Noah that he got from the army when he returned as a hero according to them anyway and since he was Winston Mayer's son, he had to be rewarded for his actions.

_Who am I?  
What have I become?_

_I am everything I hate__  
__I am everything I wished never to be___

_what happened?__  
__What went wrong?___

_Oh, that's right.__  
__You came along._

Noah didn't even know why he had even thought of John, after all of this years but in a way he was fighting John, trying to fight this poison that was in his mind and body. Trying to fight John… Now that was not going to be easy…


	3. Torture

I wake up chilled to the bone. As my senses return; I can feel the cold surface of the metal table under me.

My wrists are pulled out to either side and up as far as possible, it is then that I feel the thick leather of belts that is cutting into my soft skin. I can't yell there is something gross inside my mouth and there is another belt is holding the gag tightly inside.

I then notice my legs are numb; they are tied together with two belts, and hung about three inches off the table. I am covered in only a thin linen t-shirt and pant, not sure what happened to my clothing.

My eyes try to look beyond the area of light that is all around me; maybe only about three feet in all directions. Footsteps are heard heading my way, from the sounds they are making, the tapping sound of heals hitting upon the wooden floors.

~tap ... tap ... tap … tap~

Like someone walking slowly, taking their time to move around in the dark, even if they knew the place by heart. My mind starts running around, as I start to count the belts. One, two ... around my wrists, three ... around my mouth, four and five ... around my legs...

~a light is turned on, and I have  
to close my eyes as the room becomes  
way too bright for me to accept right now.~

The man appeared out of nowhere, standing by the wall, looking at me, like he is examining me.

_"Time to end your life."_His voice was both terrifying and powerful, from a man that knew just what he was doing.

I tried to move my head to see who he was as that voice sounded so familiar to me.

~tap.. tap... tap.. ~

His footsteps got closer and when he entered my point of sight, I could not believe my eyes. For the man that had me tied up with all this belt... was none other than my father the one in fact that had warned me about the killers.

_"Ah, I see you recognized me. No worries, for you will not be leaving here alive."_

With that he removed the belt from my mouth and the gag, then he used the same belt to place around my head to hold it down on the table. I couldn't move my head to the left or right now. All I could do was look up at the ceiling.

_"This here belt I had specially made. You see how the holes go from the tip of the tongue all the way to the buckle. Isn't it beautiful?"_He spoke the words in a loving way as he stroked the belt almost in a lovers caress.

I notice it was about two feet long, and the holes did go all the way down it, at about one inch apart.

_"I call what is going to happen to you, the pain factor. I am just trying to find__out how much pain the human body can take."_His face was right above me and I looked into his eyes, they were glassy and had the look of a mad man to them.

_"For each time you scream out, I will hook the belt up a hole.__We start out with it just laying__on your beautiful neck."_

He turned and when he came back, there were two more belts in his hands.  
One was thick leather with pieces of barbed wire sticking out of it. The other one was shiny and had what looked to be covered in something.

_"This one I will use to cut your skin open wide, and then this here one, that is laced with poison, will be use right afterwards to fill your body with so much pain that it will drive you insane."_ His words were spoken as if he had repeated them so many time that they struck fear deep down inside of me.

~crack ... crack…crack… ~

As each strike of the first belt ripped into my soft flesh, I screamed so loud that I thought the heavens themselves should have heard me.

_"That was three times you screamed.__You are such a treat to me." _He said as he tightens the belt up three holes ... one for each scream.

~snap... snap... snap..~

The second belt hit in the same location as the first, as if he was truly a master at this form of torture, and once again, I screamed with each snap of that belt. The pain was so over bearing that even when he stopped to tighten the belt once more, my body was feeling the crime against me, and I almost screamed again.

_"That is six notches my boy,__and I wonder how many more I can do__before you start to turn blue from lack of air."__  
_  
That fear had not entered my mind; the fact that as the belt got tighter it would start to shut off my oxygen. He was able to see that fear in my eyes. And all he did was smile; as if that too was part of what he did to all the others.

~crack...snap…crack ... snap~

Now he was moving them faster, and he did them in groupings of one barbed wire and one poison back and forth in a group of three. Each one that touched my skin made me screamed out in pain. So that when he stopped he walked over and kissed my forehead and smiled.

_"You truly are the best one so far,__another six notches my special one."__  
_  
Now the belt was almost against my throat all the way around. I knew a few more screams and I would not be able to scream. But, I wondered, if that meant he would stop the belts from hitting me.

~crack… snap ... crack... snap...~

Again I could not help but scream, but now I felt a burning flowing through my whole body. The poison was flowing freely through me. I no longer felt my legs or my arms; numbness had entered them, my head started to cloud over.

_"Four more my dear, let's see where that takes us on your throat, shall we."__  
_  
One, two, three... now it was tight and when he went to do number four, I felt it cut into my skin some. So, I screamed once more.

_"Ah, now for this one here."_

This went dark for me then, but I started to fade from my body and float, next thing I knew I was looking down at myself. He did not stop the beatings with the two belts until there was nothing left that anyone w would be able to say was me. I floated around above the scene and notice that he was not there alone, there were five others in the room, and all were taking notes and smiling at the fact.

******

"Noah wake up"

Noah couldn't hold back the scream that filled his lungs with panic and pain, the dream had been so real, and it was like he could feel every beat.

He tried to sit up but something was holding him in place. Noah opened his eyes and to his own surprise he saw Luke sitting over him, holding his wrist down. As soon as Luke saw that he was awake he realised him.

"Are you okay?" Luke asked in a worried voice as he continued looking at him.

"I am fine" Noah mumbled as he tried to hold back the tears that were starting to flow. He didn't want to cry about the dream, and especially not in front of Luke.

"That must have been one hell of a nightmare"

Noah could only nod in reply, he wasn't sure if his voice would hold if he tried to speak.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Noah shook his head. "No not really" He defiantly did not want to talk about that.

_How do I tell someone that my__ dreams, dreams about being tortured by my father were real?  
__How do I tell Luke that there was something in my head that told me that I deserved it__, t__hat I deserved to be told that I was worth nothing__, __that I deserved to be physically abused?"_

"I'll guess I'll let you go back to sleep" Luke said quietly and started to rise of the bed.

But before Luke could get back to his own bed Noah quickly reached for his arm and pulled him in for a hug. "Thanks for waking me" He whispered in Luke's ear before realising him.

He watched as Luke crawled in bed again, throwing the cover over himself and after five minutes Luke was sleeping again.

Noah looked up in the sealing, he didn't want to go back to sleep, afraid that the nightmares would take over again and he wasn't sure if he would be able to survive the night if they did. Usually the nightmares would last the whole night and if they didn't, he always had something that would calm him down. But he hadn't anything with him, since it wasn't allowed.

Noah glanced at Luke; he was sound asleep looking peaceful.

_"Do you have nightmare Luke? Nightmares that make you want to run and hide? That hunts you down until in one day will kill you?"_

Noah reached for his journal and the pen that was on his night desk. He found his flashlight in one of his bags. Slowly he crawled back into bed, hoping that Luke would wake up and started writing.

_Cold hard voices__, __ringing in my ears, I scream__, __so lost in terror. Torture, Torture me__, __pull my nails__, __I will not deny__my faith in Love__. __Torture me__, __force-feed me__with hate__, __I will not be__one of you__, __Torture me___

_Savage beatings__with tender words__. __You will not take my soul__. __Torture me__, __expose me to extreme conditions__I will not__renounce my faith__in humanity__  
_

_Torture __me__; __Throw me in the water dungeon__of black emotions__. __I will not forget__kindness.___

_Torture me,__now you are__an eyewitness__to my power__. __Torture me__, __I will not renounce my faith in love__kindness__humanity___

_Torture me__you don't__know any better than this.__You are forgiven._

It always helped him to write down his thoughts. He used to do it back home to but by drawing instead and finally then he, like it or not, Noah was soon asleep.

The nightmares were there, waiting for him but this time he was able to fight. This time he had some control in them, but the same person was till there, hunting his dreams: his father and James.


End file.
